Honest Thoughts On Pregnancy
I have always wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Then reaching an age where motherhood was in the near future, I eagerly anticipated being pregnant. Not just having a baby, but physically being pregnant. The cute and photo-worthy belly bump, the excuse to indulge whatever cravings I desired, the empowering feeling of growing a tiny human… all of it appeared magical!
The day my husband and I found out we were pregnant we were overjoyed! It only took about two months for us to get pregnant after we started trying and for that we feel extremely blessed. We attended a wedding that night with all our closest friends and it was so hard to hold in our secret, especially for me as people noticed there was sweet tea or water in my glass instead of wine or a cocktail. Since I figured I was only 4 weeks pregnant we wanted to at least wait on confirmation from the doctor before sharing the news. Luckily up until about week seven when we shared the news, I was feeling great, but after that I quickly realized that my expectations of pregnancy were not going to be my reality.
First, let’s talk about a more shallow expectation – the baby bump. As a first time momma my belly has not grown as quickly as I thought it would. I expected to be taking bump selfies every other week and diving head first into maternity clothes. I am almost seven months pregnant (at time of writing) and I can still fit into about 70 percent of my normal wardrobe (pants excluded – all the praise hands for Motherhood Maternity’s belly band). This isn’t the worst problem to have since the cost of maternity clothes add up quickly, but I wanted to look more pregnant since I sure feel it! I can feel the shift coming though because my belly is now pressing on my bladder ALL THE TIME.
Second – the cravings. Honestly, I haven’t had many. I did strangely enough lose my daily addiction to coffee and replaced it with iced tea; half black, half passion, no water, classic sweetener to be specific. I also keep tart or citrus fruits like green apples and tangerines on hand, along with sour candies and ginger ale but that is because they help with the nausea. I’ve actually become even more indecisive than I already was because it takes me forever to find something that sounds appetizing!
Lastly, I want to be real about how anxious and sick I have been through the majority of my pregnancy and how one affects the other. I was a little queasy here and there throughout my first trimester, but that was to be expected. At 12 weeks in I hadn’t even thrown up and I thought my pregnancy was going to be as easy as I imagined. That’s when things started to go downhill.
You’re second trimester is supposed to be the best one. For me it was when I started throwing up multiple times a week, with nothing bringing any relief. The constant sick feeling and lack of energy took a toll on my emotions and kicked my anxiety into high gear. It’s hard to make plans when you know there is a great chance you’ll be sick, then on the other hand, it can really bum you out when you’re sitting at home alone or next to your husband who desperately wishes there was something he could do to comfort you.
As I am rounding out my second trimester and approaching my last, I do see some hope. I generally have more good days than bad, and I have been more excited than ever to meet this little boy who is constantly squirming around in my belly.
Pregnancy is hard work! For those who may have easier pregnancies, I am truly so happy for you! Those of you with a story more similar to mine, I have deep compassion for you. I can’t count the days I’ve told myself “I can’t do this,” but here we are… one trimester to go and despite how difficult this has been, I never take one day for granted with my healthy, growing boy.