WHY HOPE IS PAINFUL!?
Today I wanted to talk a little bit about pushing through hard times. To give you a hint, I actually have a whole month coming up on the blog and my channel all about pushing through… but this week I was thinking about it a lot because of my personal circumstances.
As many of you know, I am currently in physical therapy for pretty much my whole body. lol I have a tilted pelvis which makes my legs uneven and because of that my back leans to the side which in turn affects my shoulders and jaw. Even though I’m ok with all of it and I’m actually grateful just to have all my limbs and to be able to walk… sometimes I get hit with this wall of emotions that break me down. These injuries have been a huge part of my life since I was 12 years old and sometimes the hope that I HAVE to keep alive in order to keep moving forward and training and looking for solutions is PAINFUL….HAVING HOPE IS PAINFUL! That, coupled with the physical pain itself from the injuries I have is sometimes so overwhelming that it leads to crying breakdowns in Target parking lots with Dan…. (see last night for details. LOL)
Anyways, I want to touch on that one thought… because I feel like a lot of you are going to be able to relate to me… the thought that hope is painful… or at least it can be. It can also be invigorating, healing and comforting….. but it’s painful…Because when you choose hope, you actively know that you may be let down…. that you’re kind of taking a gamble…. so while hope can provide you with enthusiasm, peace and vision… deep down inside, you also know that you may be wrong….your situation may NOT get better…you ,ay be let down AGAIN…and the let down seems like it will be so much more painful if you emotionally have far to fall… so sometimes it seems easier to not hope… to just be ok with your current situation.
Hope involves an element of fighting!
SO, now that I set the debbie downer tone, you may be asking “ well then Nikki… why should I choose hope?”.. and let me answer by saying this….
Your turning point may be just ahead of you!
I’ve been dealing with these injuries for a long time… but other people have conquered things that they struggled with for a lot longer…. Who am I to give up now just because its too painful to “possibly be let down again?”…..Am I going to roll over and take the pain for the rest of my life just because I’m more comfortable with that pain? I’m going to feel pain one way or the other… so I’d rather chose the pain and the beauty of hope and what comes along with it than roll over and stay where I am…. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can avoid pain by staying still….. I refuse to believe that this is how I’ll feel forever… and if it is, oh well. I FOUGHT!=)
I’m going to keep fighting everyday because also guys… I believe every day is a fight. A fight against the flesh.. a fight to refuse what you want now for what you want MORE. A fight to choose love and hope every day.
SO, if you feel down.. like you cant keep going… and you’re afraid to choose hope, let me encourage you to CHOOSE HOPE!
I feel like this post was a bit corny and rambley… (then again I’m kind of permanently corny and I always ramble…lol) but it’s how I’m feeling right now… and I hope that this makes sense and can help some of you feel inspired to keep going through what you’re going through, and to not give up.
I love you all and I cant wait to hear your thoughts below =)